Hatred Rejects, Love Accepts

For this is the message which you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another, and not be like Cain who was of the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own deeds were evil and his brother’s righteous. Do not wonder, brethren, that the world hates you. We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love abides in death. Any one who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him. By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. But if any one has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or speech but in deed and in truth.

1 John 3:11-18

Reality check: people piss us off.

People say things and do things that annoy us, that irritate us, that infuriate us.

People say things and do things that cause us to not like them very much.

Reallity check: most of us—probably all of us—piss people off.

We say things and do things that annoy people, that irritate people, that infuriate people.

We say things and do things that cause people to not like us very much.

A few of us—such as myself—are downright talented this way!

It does not matter why people do something which annoys. It does not matter why you or I do something that annoys.

What matters is that we get annoyed by people. What matters is that we annoy people.

What do we do about that? What can we do about that?

It takes no great insight, no burst of wisdom, to realize that pissing people off—or being pissed off by people—is not the way to go about living in peace and harmony with our fellow man. If we want there to be peace and harmony around us, at a minimum people need to not piss us off, and we need to not piss people off.

That seems simple enough. It is certainly simple to say.

It is not quite so simple to do.

People can be fussy and finicky about all sorts of things. I certainly can be fussy and finicky about all sorts of things! Being the people we are, just our normal way of being will at times create friction with those around us.

What do we do about that? What can we do about that?

One thing we can certainly strive to do is be less fussy and less finicky. One thing we can certainly strive to do is simply meet people where they are, spiritually and psychologically. It may take a bit of practice and self discipline to cultivate this as a habit, but surely a simple acknowledgment of where a person is in their own mind would go considerable distance in reducing tension and conflict.

One thing we should do is remember that, no matter how irritating or annoying a person might be to us in the moment, we are still called to regard them with caring and compassion. We are still called to be helpful when they are in need. We are still called to show mercy and forgiveness even to those who fail to show mercy and forgiveness.

We are still called to meet others with love and acceptance.

That seems simple enough. It is certainly simple to say.

It is not quite so simple to do.

If we want to be around people, it follows that we want people to accept us as we are, however we are. If we want to be around people, it follows we want people to receive us kindly. Wanting this, it hurts when people do not receive us kindly. It hurts when people do not accept us as we are, however we are.

When we are hurt, it is simply instinct to react to that hurt. When we are hurt, it is simply instinct to lash out—perhaps in anger, certainly in pain—and hurt others in return. When we are hurt, there is a seeming balance and perhaps even an appearance of justice in visiting that hurt upon others.

Yet lashing out in anger or in pain will not help to build up or strengthen any bonds of community with anyone. Lashing out in anger and in pain will not engender love and compassion in anyone. Lashing out in anger and in pain will not convince anyone to accept us as we are, however we are, and it certainly will not persuade anyone to receive us kindly.

Lashing out in anger or in pain might be instinctive, it might appear to be the “natural” thing to do, but what it will never be is constructive. Lashing out in anger or in pain might gratify the impulse of the moment, but it will not bring us any closer to any sort of peace or harmony with anyone.

If we truly want peace and harmony with those around us, we must seek out responses which do not involve anger or pain. If we want to nurture the bonds of community, we must move past anger and pain before responding, and be guided by our reason and not by our emotions.

If we truly want peace and harmony, we must find ways to defend against the hurtful ways of others, to call out the hurtful ways of others, without repaying hurt for hurt, evil for evil, wrong for wrong.

We are not called to accept or even to tolerate the sins of others, but we are always called to accept and tolerate others even as they are sinful. We are not called to meet anyone with hatred, or anger, and certainly not with malice.

With all of us falling short of the glory of God, there is no one who is ever going to be sinless and blameless; it is foolishness in the extreme to reject anyone on that basis. It is foolishness in the extreme to allow that to become any sort of justification for hatred.

Man is a social animal. We are called to come together to form communities and to nurture the bonds that serve to define communities. We are called to live together in peace and harmony.

We cannot build up any community by casting out people we arrogantly deem to be somehow unworthy. Worse, if we do this, we invite others to cast us out for the same arrogant reason.

We cannot build up any community through hatred and rejection—and we risk being excluded from community if we though hatred justify the hatred of others.

We can only build up our communities by engaging with each other—and that means reaching out to each other with caring and compassion. That means apprehending each other with mercy and forgiveness. That means meeting one another with love and acceptance.

There is no remarkable insight needed to understand that these are the ways by which people may achieve peace and harmony in their lives.

We are called to come together to form communities, and so we are called to reach out to each other with caring and compassion.

We are called to come together to form communities, and so we are called to apprehend each other with mercy and forgiveness.

We are called to come together to form communities, and so we are called to meet one another with love and acceptance.

Caring and compassion do not always come easily, and so I pray daily for the strength to be caring and compassionate.

Mercy and forgiveness rarely come easily, and so I pray daily for the self discipline to be merciful and forgiving.

Love and acceptance hardly ever come easily, and so I pray daily for the wisdom to be loving and accepting of others as they are.

This also is my prayer for you. That you will find the strength to be caring and compassionate. That you will have the self discipline to be merciful and forgiving. That you will receive the wisdom to be loving and accepting of others as they are.

We are called to come together to form communities. We are therefore called to meet one another in love. We are never called to reject anyone in hatred.