We Cannot Unmake Our Mistakes

Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for any honest work, to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all men. For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by men and hating one another; but when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of deeds done by us in righteousness, but in virtue of his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal in the Holy Spirit, which he poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that we might be justified by his grace and become heirs in hope of eternal life.

Titus 3:1-7

Everybody makes mistakes. Nobody is perfect.

We can gauge the degree to which these sayings are cliche by the number of songs written about them or using them within their lyrics.

These sayings are cliche. These sayings are trite. These sayings are so banal as to be almost devoid of meaning.

Yet these sayings are true.

It is because they are true that they have become banal, trite, and cliche. It is because they are true that they are a reliable staple of singers and songwriters in every genre.

These sayings are true. Which is to say these sayings capture an essential element of what it is to be human. Imperfection is the signature aspect of what we often call “the human condition.”

Everybody does make mistakes. Nobody is perfect. That is simply the reality of the world in which we live.

This makes imperfection the daily burden for all of us, because while we might be mature enough to see our mistakes, and honest enough to admit our mistakes, there is not anyone who has ever had the omnipotence needed to undo even a single mistake.

Everybody makes mistakes. Nobody can ever unmake a mistake—not their own nor anybody else’s.

We can make amends. We can offer contrition and repentance. We can even make ritual offerings of atonement and restitution—the Book of Leviticus devotes entire chapters to how sin offerings are to be made. We can go to great lengths and expend extraordinary efforts to “set things right”.

We cannot change what we have done. We cannot undo a single thing we have done. We cannot unmake any of our mistakes.

If we break trust with a friend or loved one, we can apologize, and we can strive to show ourselves still worthy of trust.

We cannot change the reality that we broke trust.

If we lash out in anger and hurt a friend, a loved one, or even an innocent stranger passing by, we can apologize. We can attempt to attend to whatever hurt was done, and perhaps we can even take steps to ensure the injury heals well and the person is at least physically made whole.

We cannot change the reality that we lashed out in anger and hurt someone.

If we are false to anyone, for any reason, we might regret it. We might confess the falsehood. We might even correct whatever false impressions we created with our false witness.

We cannot recall the false witness we gave.

If a man steals, he can make restitution. He will still have stolen.

When we sin, we can repent—and hopefully we do repent. We can confess our sins. We can resolve to do better. Even if we do all these things, however, we are still sinners.

We have sinned. We are therefore sinners. Our repentance does not change that. Our making atonement and restitution does not change that. Our offering amends does not change that.

Doing right today does not undo the wrongs of yesterday. Resolving to do right tomorrow does not shield us from the consequences of having done wrong today.

Consequence arises from the doing of a thing, not from its state of right or wrong. Everything we do will yield its own consequences. Our repentance and regret cannot alter that.

Nothing we do will ever undo a wrong. No effort we make will ever unmake a mistake.

Because we cannot undo a wrong, or unmake our mistakes, ultimately, we can never truly “set things right” with anyone. We cannot restore anyone to how they were before we wronged them. We cannot return the world to the way it was before we made our mistake. That we do not have the power to do.

Our success or failure in “setting things right” with anyone ultimately comes down to a simple question: will we be forgiven for our mistake?

Because we cannot unmake our mistakes, we cannot therefore ever presume to “earn” that forgiveness. To forgive is to set aside anger, and resentment. To forgive is to choose to let go of any pain, any hurt. Forgiveness is a choice others make about us when we make mistakes. Forgiveness is a choice we make about others when they make mistakes.

When God forgives, He is choosing to put aside His anger. He is choosing to withhold His wrath.

God promises us He will do this whenever we come to Him with contrition and repentance. In the Psalms, in Isaiah, in Jeremiah, and of course throughout the Gospels, we are presented not just with the possibility but also the promise of God’s forgiveness.

Through Jesus’ death on the Cross at Calvary, we are not merely forgiven, but redeemed. We are freed from having to further atone—to endlessly atone—for our past sins and past mistakes.

This we are promised. This God promises—both God the Father and God the Son.

The essence of that promise is simply this: God chooses to forgive. Forgiveness is a choice God makes just as it is a choice we make. But for His promise, there is no compulsion upon God to forgive even the smallest of sins, just as there is no compulsion upon us to forgive even the tiniest of errors.

Forgiveness is a choice, both for God and for men. Therefore forgiveness is a gift, both from God and from men. Forgiveness is not a reward for tasks done. It is not a wage that is earned, not even from acts of contrition or repentance.

If it were earned, it would not be a choice. If it were earned, it would not be forgiveness. Forgiveness is never “deserved”. When it comes to forgiveness, “deserved” truly has nothing to do with it.

Forgiveness, because it is a choice, can never be earned. Because forgiveness can never be earned, we have no right to ever expect forgiveness. We have no right to expect forgiveness from our fellow man, and we certainly have no right to expect forgiveness from God.

God has promised us forgiveness, but He chose to make that promise just as He chooses to forgive. We have no right, no standing, to demand either the promise or the forgiveness.

God forgives us our sins. We may know this because He has promised this. Yet we may know this only because He has promised this, for even within the promise, forgiveness is still God’s choice to make.

Others may forgive us our errors, and we may forgive others. Yet we may know this only because we know our own minds, and know that we do have the power to choose, and thus we have the power to forgive. Even within that power, forgiveness is still our choice to make.

Forgiveness is a gift. Forgiveness is a gift from God to Man. Forgiveness is a gift from man to man. Forgivness is always a choice, and so it will always be a gift. We are well advised, therefore, to receive it as a gift.

We do well to be grateful whenever we are forgiven. We do well to be grateful when we are forgiven by God, and we do well also to be grateful when we are forgiven by men. We do well to be grateful, and thus to be mindful. If we are grateful then we are reminded that we are the fortunate recipients of a good and generous choice. If we are grateful then perhaps we are motivated to be ourselves forgiving, to make for ourselves that good and generous choice.

My prayer, this day, and every day, is that I am always mindful and grateful whenever I am forgiven—for well I know that I need to be forgiven. My prayer is that mindfulness and gratitude will move me towards forgiveness of others—for it is certain that we all need to be forgiven.

My prayer, this day, and every day, is that you also will be mindful and grateful in all the times you are forgiven. My prayer is that mindfulness and gratitude will move you also towards the forgiveness of others—for it is certain that those around you also need to be forgiven.

Everybody makes mistakes. Everybody also makes choices, and one of those choices sometimes can be forgiveness. When we are forgiven, whether by God’s choice or by human choice, we receive a gift.

We do well to cherish that gift this day, and every day.