God Is With Us, So Why Do We Fear?
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil;
for thou art with me;
thy rod and thy staff,
they comfort me.
Everyone feels fear, at least now and again. Some of us feel twinges of fear nearly every day. This is the way the human animal functions. This is the way the world functions.
The challenge in those moments is to rise above the fear and continue to function.
Yet why should we be afraid at all? Why should I be fearful of anything?
Paul teaches in Romans that “if God is for us, who is against us?” If I truly believe this—which I do—why should I fearful of anything?
If the universe unfolds as God wills, why should I be fearful of anything?
If my destiny is to be whatever God decrees, why should I be fearful of anything?
If God is “for me”—and I sincerely believe that He is—what point is there to fear? I will stand or fall, prosper or fail, live or die entirely according to what God has mapped out for my life. Fear plays no part in this.
As God is “for me”, fear is absolutely illogical and irrational. With God on my side and at my side, there is nothing left of which to be fearful.
Yet I am afraid.
I am afraid that I will fall short in the goals I have for my life, whether they be at work, or in building up The Houses of Refuge Project.
I am afraid of how others will see me if I fall short of those goals.
I am afraid of being seen as a failure. I am afraid of being a failure.
I am afraid of what will happen should I fail.
None of these fears are even remotely logical or rational, and not merely because I trust God will carry me through to ultimate success. They are illogical and irrational because so long as I keep applying myself to the tasks which are before me, so long as I keep learning and growing, I will not fail. Even if I fall short of a goal today, I retain the power to rededicate myself to that particular task tomorrow and achieve that goal—and then some.
So long as I remain dedicated to learning and growing, failure is an absolute impossibility. Yet I remain fearful of failing, and all the horrors which my mind contrives as the inevitable consequences of failing.
Why?
If my faith is strong, surely that should overcome all fear and all doubt. Am I to conclude that my faith is perhaps not that strong?
Am I afraid simply because I do not believe strongly enough?
Possibly. As I have discussed previously, living a life of faith is hard—harder than any other challenge I have faced in my life.
Believing without hesitation is hard. I am very much like the father in Mark Chapter 9 who, that his son might be healed of his unclean spirit, cried out to Jesus, “I believe! Help my unbelief!”
I believe. Yet I struggle with unbelief. I struggle with doubt. I struggle with an endless procession of negative thoughts, and intrusive thoughts, each of which attacks and undermines my belief.
I believe, and yet I need help for my unbelief.
I believe, I pray, and yet I need help for my unbelief.
Why is prayer not enough? Why do the doubts, the negative thoughts, the intrusive thoughts, return time and again? How many times must I pray for my doubts and fears to be banished forever?
Do I need to keep praying, every day and even every moment of every day, constantly practicing a state of prayerful mindfulness, so that the doubts and fears simply cannot gain a toehold in my mind?
Do I need to keep reciting prayers and Psalms which address the reality of fear whenever the intrusive thoughts seek to intrude yet again?
Do I need to keep reciting Psalm 23—which is a most excellent mantra for reminding oneself that God is with us even in the darkest of moments—whenever a twinge of fear arises in the back of my brain?
My fondest hope is that, as I ask these questions, there will come in the silence which follows an answer—a “Yes” or a “No”—to guide me and give me certainty about what I must do.
Yet there is no answer forthcoming. There is neither a “Yes” nor a “No.”
There is no answer forthcoming from God, or if there is, my mind is not yet quiet enough, not yet silent enough, to hear His answer.
Lacking an answer, I am forced to craft my own resolution to my fears. I am forced to pray not just this or that Psalm, but prayers of my own devising.
Lacking an answer, I compelled to push ahead regardless of whatever my fear of the moment might be.
Lacking an answer, I am propelled forward into constant prayer, and striving for a constant state of prayerful mindfulness, that the doubts and fears and intrusive thoughts might never gain a purchase within me.
Is that enough? Until a better thought or a better plan presents itself, it will have to be, for it is the only plan I have.
Will it work? It will work at least in the moment, for I already know that when I do pray Psalm 23 in particular, my fears do retreat and my anxieties do subside. At the very least, it will defeat my fears and doubts and intrusive thoughts in the moment. Until a better plan arises, that will have to do. I will have to content myself for marshalling my faith in the moment for that moment only.
I want more than that moment only. I want all the moments before and after, and all the moments to come. Yet my best shot at getting all the moments is to focus on the moment in that moment. My best shot at overcoming my doubts and fears and intrusive thoughts in all moments seems to be focusing on overcoming them for each moment in that moment.
Perhaps that is the point? Instead of worrying about past moments or future moments, perhaps I can best grow my faith and beat back my fears simply by inhabiting this moment, this “now”.
That is easy to say. It is somewhat less easy to do.
Yet that is what is before me to do. If I am to rise above all my doubts and fears and intrusive thoughts, I must strive to simply inhabit this moment, this “now”, and not dwell on what has happened or what might yet happen. I must strive to inhabit each moment as it arises, without obsessing over past and future moments.
That is easy to say. It is somewhat less easy to do.
Yet is in front of me to be done, and therefore it is what I must do, and will do. It is what we all must do, if we are to conquer doubts and fears and intrusive thoughts.
I pray that inhabiting each moment as it arises is enough. I pray that it will be enough to beat back all the doubts and all the fears and all the intrusive thoughts.
My prayer for each of you is that you also are able to find the path to inhabiting each moment as it arises. My prayer for each of you is that you are successful at beating back whatever doubts and fears and intrusive thoughts undermine and challenge your faith, both in this moment and in all the moments to come.
As for funding for your Houses of Refuge, has it occurred to you yet to explain your concept in a GoFundMe post and on Kickstarter? There are many people out there very much wanting to find viable paths to helping the homeless, and they have a lot more money than me. (My income now is $13,452/year, which is pretty much what I live on. My husband has money, but he’s never shared it with me so I have no access to it. What I donated last Sunday is likely to be it for the foreseeable future - unless God has a plan to channel money through me...)
Thank you for being personal with us, Peter. I have little use for superficial interaction with people, so I really value these meaningful insights you give us into your soul (a very beautiful soul).
You consistently ask the profound and appropriate questions, which is one of the reasons I believe you have Greatness in you. Not the pointless greatness of social status and honorifics, but the true Greatness of being wise enough to let the glory and abundance of God’s plan manifest through you.
A mindset that has been very helpful to many with fears is to think of any deep desire of yours to be a ‘preference’, not a ‘need’ or ‘want’. It’s just a preference. You PREFER that your Houses of Refuge achieves its goals - this or something better, in accordance with God’s will. You PREFER, as you pray, that your clients reap spiritual growth and relief from their suffering - this or something better, in accordance with God’s plan. See? It lessens the fear as you transfer some of the responsibility of success - the outcome - from your shoulders to God’s. You make the efforts, then ‘let go, and let God’. You are ALLOWING success to unfold, you are PREFERRING success to result - but if things don’t go as planned, well, instead, you learn, grow, try again, and follow the ideas that come to mind for a new strategy for success - ideas that channel through you from the Universal Consciousness that is an aspect of God and the Holy Spirit (or however we conceptualize it).
The Bible speaks of ‘perfect love’, which is a complete trust in God, a ‘knowing’ that comes from surrendering the OUTCOME to God. “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.” - I John 4:18. If you’re feeling torment, because you want something so badly, then change your resistance to failure into a trusting, allowing ‘preference’ for the result you have in mind. Please try this - it will lessen your fear!
I pray for the success of your Houses of Refuge, and for your personal happiness, Peter. How it all unfolds and the particulars of the outcome is co-created by you and God, who loves you.