Through both success and failure, fathers shape the next generation. In both victory and defeat, fathers remain our first and most relevant standard for excellence in all that we do.
Peter, your story is so similar to mine that it’s like an echo. My father was never a source of love for me; he literally hated me from the moment I was born. I spent my youth trying to be perfect enough to earn his love, getting top grades in school, keeping my room spotless, never sassing back - to no avail. Finally, when I told him that I was getting married, and he wasn’t even interested in meeting the young man or his family, I stood up for my self-dignity and left. I believe I made it clear that if he wanted me in his life, he was going to have to treat me with respect. I never heard from him again, or from my mother, who I think lost her mind in part because of his unloving nature. I haven’t heard from anyone I’m related to for almost 50 years, and I truly did not deserve such treatment. When my parents died, I wasn’t even notified.
So I understand the deep and conflicted emotions you’ve endured. The anger at injustice, the sorrow, the deep pain, the struggle to truly forgive, the effort to carve worthwhile personal lessons from it all. It makes you very strong in some ways, but brittle in ways that enable other people to break you inside. When a personal relationship ends, it’s hard for everyone, but for you, Peter, it’s just about unbearable. That’s why I emphasize: I am your friend, no matter what comes! I am here for as long as you want me to be here - an easy decision for me, as I like you enormously.
Make the Lord bless you and keep you, Peter. He loves you as I do, unconditionally and permanently.
This is something that our nation’s founders understood. A man has to stand up for his self-worth, and his government has to acknowledge that our self-worth is inherent. We cannot grovel to any man, not even our own father, if it means denying our internal voice and truth. No one with any self-esteem can do this.
I don’t hate my father either, but my forgiveness had to be forged out of the pain, same as for you. You have become a better man because of it, Peter. God is using this for good purpose.
Peter, your story is so similar to mine that it’s like an echo. My father was never a source of love for me; he literally hated me from the moment I was born. I spent my youth trying to be perfect enough to earn his love, getting top grades in school, keeping my room spotless, never sassing back - to no avail. Finally, when I told him that I was getting married, and he wasn’t even interested in meeting the young man or his family, I stood up for my self-dignity and left. I believe I made it clear that if he wanted me in his life, he was going to have to treat me with respect. I never heard from him again, or from my mother, who I think lost her mind in part because of his unloving nature. I haven’t heard from anyone I’m related to for almost 50 years, and I truly did not deserve such treatment. When my parents died, I wasn’t even notified.
So I understand the deep and conflicted emotions you’ve endured. The anger at injustice, the sorrow, the deep pain, the struggle to truly forgive, the effort to carve worthwhile personal lessons from it all. It makes you very strong in some ways, but brittle in ways that enable other people to break you inside. When a personal relationship ends, it’s hard for everyone, but for you, Peter, it’s just about unbearable. That’s why I emphasize: I am your friend, no matter what comes! I am here for as long as you want me to be here - an easy decision for me, as I like you enormously.
Make the Lord bless you and keep you, Peter. He loves you as I do, unconditionally and permanently.
I won’t say I hated my father. I didn’t. I just wasn’t willing to pay the price he demanded for his affections.
I never claimed to be better than him, but I’ll be damned if I’ll accept being regarded as worse.
This is something that our nation’s founders understood. A man has to stand up for his self-worth, and his government has to acknowledge that our self-worth is inherent. We cannot grovel to any man, not even our own father, if it means denying our internal voice and truth. No one with any self-esteem can do this.
I don’t hate my father either, but my forgiveness had to be forged out of the pain, same as for you. You have become a better man because of it, Peter. God is using this for good purpose.
Thank you for that.